Farm to Table

Hello? I need to speak to someone in charge. I’m calling about my farm to table reservation for tomorrow. My name is—yes, that’s correct.

Yes, I got the cancellation notice. That’s why I’m calling, to straighten this out. I’ll hold.

Hello? I was holding for—you are? Excellent. Somebody on your end accidentally cancelled my reservation.

You bet I’m complaining. As mistakes go, that’s pretty spectacular, don’t you think?

Of course I heard about the ruling. Some Justices got sentimental, but that doesn’t apply to pre-existing contracts. It can’t.

Uh-huh. Look, I’m not asking you to put an endangered species on the table. Plenty of other countries still do it.  And it’s not like I can go somewhere else at this point. The clock is ticking. We’re down to the wire here.

Uh-huh. Well, of course she’s attached to it. She’s had it all her life. The individual care she’s given it all these years is why it’s in such good condition. My mom used to tell me bedtime stories about her.

Hey, I’m not unsympathetic, but someone has to make her face facts. A farm girl can’t get weepy when harvest time comes, especially when my family has been supporting her for this long.

Look, the farm to table service you provide has been pumping money into the local economy for decades. I’ve still got the brochure. That’s why my folks signed me up with you–dependability. They made all the payments on time, and now you need to hold up your end.

Are you kidding? We’ve been trying to schedule the actual service for almost four years. You’ve been criminally overbooked. Why didn’t you hire more staff to fulfill your commitments before?

Yes, I got the refund, but what good does that do me?

This call is being recorded? Fine. The more people who know about this scam of yours, the better.

No, I don’t think I’m being abusive.

What do you mean, you don’t know what you can do? You can get my clone right now. My doctor says I need that heart transplant in the next six weeks.  That’s a hard deadline.

Then find her! She’s got a locator chip implanted, right? All valuable animals do these days. My bulldog does.

Look, I’m heading to the hospital. I’ll be there in about forty minutes. By then, I’ll expect to see that farm girl being prepped for the operating table—hello? Hello?

 

After growing up a bookworm in New Jersey, where she took horseback riding lessons and French, Pamela Love attended Bucknell University in Pennsylvania, where she learned to fence. Unfortunately, there are few career opportunities for stuntwomen wanting only to double for one of the Three Musketeers, so she earned a degree in Elementary Education with a minor in English.

Ms. Love taught for two years, during which her finest moment was convincing an astonished class of third-graders that their grandparents were actually the parents of their parents. (Previously, the students had thought they were “friends” of their parents.) Subsequently, she took a job in marketing, arranging for the printing and mailing of flyers announcing sales at local stores, and signs and price tags for if and when customers decided to show up at these stores.

At last, Ms. Love turned to writing, a goal of hers since third grade, when she began to worry that she might eventually run out of books to read written by others. Her published picture books include A Loon Alone, A Cub Explores, A Moose’s Morning, Lighthouse Seeds, Brigid and the Butter: A Legend about Saint Brigid of Ireland, Staircase for the Sisters: A Story of Prayer and Saint Joseph, and The Sword and the Cape: A Tale about Saint Martin of Tours. She has also published an easy reader, Two Feet Up, Two Feet Down.  Her fantasy children’s novel, The Pegasus Potential, is available as an ebook on Amazon and Smashwords. Dozens of her stories, plays, and poems have appeared in such magazines as Highlights for Children, Ladybug, Plays, and Cricket, and in the anthologies Family Matters: Thirteen Short Stories and Short Short Stories for Reading Aloud.  She has won a number of awards for her writing, including ones from the Writer’s Digest Fiction Competition and the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators. She occasionally lectures on writing for children. She tweets as @PegasusAuthor.

Ms. Love and her family live in Maryland. Her to-be-read pile towers sufficiently high over her desk that she no longer fears running out of books to read. She is currently working on another fantasy novel.

 

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